Curse Jar
by Wu the Stoic
Summary: Duo's mouth is gonna cost him. Rated for language.


Don't own Gundam Wing or anything to do with this fic. Not even the curse jar.

"Duo, you've _got_ to learn how to control yourself," Quatre's exasperated voice drifted within my otherwise overworked mind. I was hunched over my desk, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my finger and thumb, trying to get my eyes to stop hurting. Too much computer strain. I _really_ need a day off.

"What are you talkin' about?" I muttered.

"This," Quatre said. This happened to clunk onto my desk, next to my bandaged left hand. It was a large clear jar with a metal lid. Upon closer inspection, I noticed a slit on the top.

"You gotta be kiddin' me, right?" I asked in utter disbelief. "Are you telling me this is a curse jar?"

"Don't laugh, Duo," Quatre said in that serious tone he uses when he's about to lay down the law. It's a step below full tilt-tantrum, and no one knows how to throw one quite as well as Quatre could. All that sweet and innocence about him just melted away when he'd narrow his eyes, bare his fangs and go in for the _kill_.

"My mouth isn't _that_ bad," I complained as my friend stepped away from me.

Quatre just pinned me with that hard, unwavering look. "I dropped an F-bomb in front of an elderly lady at the bank yesterday," he deadpanned. My jaw dropped.

" _You_? No _way_!" I laughed, but he was dead serious. "Alright, alright… how long is this going to last?" _And cost me_ , I grumbled to myself.

"Until you can learn to control your language where it doesn't affect others."

"Yeah, well, maybe you're paying _too_ much attention to me?" I tried. Quatre's lips just pulled into that tight, thin line. That was his way of pressing the clutch before he shifted into tantrum mode, and since I didn't honestly feel like being "bitten by the butterfly", I just put my hands up. "Deal."

That brought a smile to my buddy's face and he relented. "Thank you, Duo."

"No problem, Quatre. And besides," I couldn't quite help throwing the punch as he was walking away. " _I've_ never heard Heero throw an F-bomb before…"

"Then maybe _you_ haven't been paying enough attention to _him_ ," he said as he threw the punch back.

"Ouch."

"Hey!" I called out as he left the cubicle. Seconds later, he reappeared, brows furrowed in expectation. "What does the money go to and when do you collect?"

"Coffee fund. And a vacation to Hawaii. For all of us." He smiled as he held up two fingers. "You've got two weeks."

"You really think that I can't control myself, huh?" Two _weeks_? I'm not _that_ bad, am I?

Quatre opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again while all the while, I watched a flurry of emotions cross his face. After a long battle of debate, he shrugged one shoulder and simply said; "No."

 _Ouch_.

" _This_ is gonna be a long day," I sighed to myself as I got back to work on the case in front of me.

* * *

A quarter rattled into the bottom of the jar, seeming to mock me as I glared at it while it vibrated into stillness.

"What was that one for?" Wufei asked. Quatre had explained the rules to me at lunch. Damn and Hell were a quarter a piece. Shit was fifty cents and my favorite, the ever useful and oh so versatile F-bomb was a dollar. Man… and just think, I can make that one into a whole sentence, too… And since I don't lie, he made me promise, in front of all the guys, that I would be on the up and up and not cheat.

"Ah, said damn," I said, and then grimaced. _Damnit_. Cutting my eyes to Wufei, I dug out another quarter and let it join its buddy at the bottom of the jar. "Thanks a lot," I said, my voice dripping with honeyed venom as I sat down hard in my chair. Wufei only shrugged, dropped a file onto my desk and wandered off. I gave his retreating back the finger. Quatre never said I had to pay for those. You just watch him, though. When this is up in two weeks, I bet he'll plop another jar down with "Sign Language" or some such nonsense written on the side.

Sinking further down into my seat, I leaned over and began to run through the end of the day paperwork. I was so lost in concentration, grumbling to myself and tapping both feet that I did a fairly good impression of a frightened twelve year old girl when a hand fell upon my shoulder and gripped it. Well, judging by the scream that came out of me. I wanted to rub my knuckles against my chest in a prideful way, didn't cuss at all in my sudden bought of shock, but the startled look on Heero's face was too priceless. That's what he gets for touching me while I'm distracted. Not that I mind him touching me _into_ distraction, mind you. And then, the adrenaline wore off and my mouth took on a mind of its own.

"The hell do you want, can't you see that I'm too damn busy for you to be fuckin' sneaking up on me!? Shit!" Damn. Silently, I began to count up the painful cost. Two bucks went into the jar.

Slowly, looking at me like I had lost my mind, Heero let go of my shoulder and informed me that it was time to clock out. Man, time _sure_ does fly by when you can't cuss, am I right?

"Sure, sure," I told him as I began to finish up my report. "Be right there."

He nodded, stepped away, but then came back. "What are you up to, now?"

I grimaced. "Ah, twelve bucks and some change so far."

"Keep up the good work," was all he said as he stepped away. I lifted both fists, making explosion noises as I gave the back of his head both barrels with my middle fingers, to which he only replied; "Promises, promises."

I'll promise _him_.

* * *

Heero and I rented a small apartment on the West end of town. Everything we wanted was within walking distance and since tonight was Friday, we got busy with the weekly grocery shopping. Halfway through, I noticed he had a small pad in his right hand in addition to the shopping list he had jotted down earlier that day.

"What's that for?"

"Keeping tally."

"Traitor."

"Hey. I'm not the one with the foul mouth."

"I'll have you know that it's _scientifically_ proven that people with mouths like mine are more open and trustworthy, _thank you very much_ ," I snapped. "Oh, Cocopuffs are on sale."

Heero just shook his head at me. He'll never understand me.

I paused suddenly as a horrible, creeping sensation of doom suddenly reached up and gripped my brain in a vice like hold. "Hey, Heero… I just thought of something…"

"What." Heero was checking off our shopping list at present. Looking around at a few people milling about in the isle, I sidled over to him and leaned in close, whispering.

"Uh… does this count for sex?"

"Yes," Heero said, not missing a beat as he grabbed the handle on the cart and pushed it forward. I could feel all the blood draining out of my face at that.

"You know that's like prostitution," I said, not really caring about the looks being shot at me. Perhaps they weren't as severe as they could have been. We _were_ still in uniform and perhaps they thought I was discussing a case. Heero didn't stop as he got to the end of the isle and turned left.

"Yes," was all he had to say over that. All in all, however, I didn't come out too bad. I only owed the stupid jar seventy five cents by the time we got home.

* * *

Good grief, do I _really_ have such a potty mouth, or are they deliberately doing this to me so I _am_ the one who pays for our trip? Also, damn that Heero and his steel trap memory. We made love. We usually take our time on the weekends, since we aren't on call and can afford the luxury of actually enjoying each other instead of scrabbling madly like two teenagers in the backseat of a car. He had lifted my leg, and was kissing the inside of my ankle, moving his way up and my mouth just went on its own. By the time he got to the inside of my thigh, I already owed that infernal jar fifteen bucks and we hadn't even started yet. By the time he was finished with me two hours later, I was a hundred and fifty dollars in the hole! I have a feeling he did that on purpose, too, especially when he lingered longer than usual at that sweet spot on my neck, right where it meets the shoulder? Yeah, that's the one that always turns me into putty, but c'mon… I'll be _broke_ before this is up! Duo Maxwell can _not_ be tamed!

Ah well, who knows. All I can say is that this is gonna be a _long_ two weeks. What the hell did I do to deserve such shitty punis… oh yeah. Heh. Clink-click, right?

Bah.

Owari


End file.
